That was bad bad.
Aug. 2nd, 2010 11:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wolffeI just wasted part of my life watching Hardwired - a movie starring Val Kilmer and Cuba Gooding, Jr. I know what happened to Val (he got fat and everyone got over him) but what happened to Cuba? I like Cuba. It's the reason I put the movie on our Netflix. But oh god, was it bad. And not even bad in a good way.
It reminded me a lot of Johnny Mnemonic. At one point, as they were revealing the super hacker I looked at Jason and said that if it was a dolphin I was going to be very disappointed. (I'm not going to worry about spoilers here, because honestly? If you sit through this movie after being warned then you deserve to be spoiled.) It's not, but it's just as bad. We kept laughing about how you got the role of an invalid that doesn't speak and just lays there tapping your fingers. Did they have to pay him SAG wages when he doesn't utter a single line?
Anyway, beyond the inexplicable way they got three fairly good (or what used to pass for it, in Val's case) actors to play in this movie - Michael Ironside is also in it - the movie is super slow and never really delivers on any sort of action. The fight scenes weren't choreographed by John Woo or even the guy who cleans John Woo's toilets. The cinematography looks like the director was a huge Blade Runner fan and now that I think about it just about everything in the movie speaks directly to being ripped off from another movie. Even the voice over at the end sounded so much like Sarah Connor's we expected them to be in a jeep in the desert.
Dean Cain movies are better than this. You know it had to be really bad because I LIKE bad action flicks and willingly watch them (thus how I know Dean Cain movies are better) and this falls below even my standards.
It reminded me a lot of Johnny Mnemonic. At one point, as they were revealing the super hacker I looked at Jason and said that if it was a dolphin I was going to be very disappointed. (I'm not going to worry about spoilers here, because honestly? If you sit through this movie after being warned then you deserve to be spoiled.) It's not, but it's just as bad. We kept laughing about how you got the role of an invalid that doesn't speak and just lays there tapping your fingers. Did they have to pay him SAG wages when he doesn't utter a single line?
Anyway, beyond the inexplicable way they got three fairly good (or what used to pass for it, in Val's case) actors to play in this movie - Michael Ironside is also in it - the movie is super slow and never really delivers on any sort of action. The fight scenes weren't choreographed by John Woo or even the guy who cleans John Woo's toilets. The cinematography looks like the director was a huge Blade Runner fan and now that I think about it just about everything in the movie speaks directly to being ripped off from another movie. Even the voice over at the end sounded so much like Sarah Connor's we expected them to be in a jeep in the desert.
Dean Cain movies are better than this. You know it had to be really bad because I LIKE bad action flicks and willingly watch them (thus how I know Dean Cain movies are better) and this falls below even my standards.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-03 05:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-03 07:31 pm (UTC)